2025-03-28
You might already experienced it. But I am totally a freak on this topic. The last time I had a crush on somebody was SEVEN.
She was tall, beautiful, sweet but lack a father figure due to her deadbeat dad leaving. The poor girl always cries to me about personal stuff, often 2 pages long of weeping but I was too young to understand. Visiting her home it's just so... Empty. Bedroom looks like a storage room and mom's new boyfriend is a crackhouse of itself. Beautiful.
(Also sometimes I got too curious and "peek". Fuck myself.)
Then I left the school due to teacher being a hawk-eyed bitch and beating students hand with a ruler, mind you this is a private school. Thank god (and my parents) for moving me to somewhere else good. Luckily this is the time my social anxiety haven't pitched up yet and descended to where I am now because my two goons, one is a "nepo" baby and a nerd, moved with me here and do all kinds of teenage-ish rebel stuff: Hiding in toilets, washes ass with the sink (I saw the fat shit falling down the floor slowly), trying to strangle each other... Fun times.
There was no particular girls that caught my eye, literally. My crush button haven't even turned on yet. I just look at curves and, ok... that's nice, moving on.
This reminded me of my latest session with a male psychiatrist; I'm just yapping shit and that concludes that I am "weird", verbatim, FUCK I AM.
What about a reverse crush?
Turns out, I'm pretty damn good looking. Not being egotistical about it, my appearance is not even worth a flinch to me but to others, they're damn serious. Me denying it is gonna get shit much worse.
God, I hate being pretty.
There's this other girl who wrote me a goodbye letter when I was leaving the old school, she's pretty nice. I made miniature UNO (the card game) from paper and glue out of boredom (guess what now ADHD boy?) but friends, I guess? Didn't have any feelings for her and young me really don't know what's going on, until COVID when it starts to blow off as actually obsessed.
I got in contact with everyone in the old school (including her) to have a chit-chat y'know? I got really attached to music at that time, so dumping music on someones DM is so me to begin with. Only her listened to every single thing I sent. And because girls are freakier and the fujoshi phase starts to rise young, tons of BL fanfics got sent back, I hate it. NOT a single plot development and they started to fuck on chapter 2.
Sure I was weirded out and called her out for that. I moved on, forgot about it and just "casually" chatting with her every day in English, share pics, etc... I have no feelings whatsoever but platonic. I didn't even noticed that she stalked my dad's Facebook to find pics of me and asked about TOO personal stuff.
Took 3 weeks for the girl to confess to me, and I responded with "awkward". Half a year friendship down the drain.
Oopsies? Next.